Church Bulletins

     Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences, with their typos or slips of tongue, actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced in church services:

     The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on Water.” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus.”

     Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don’t forget to bring your husbands.

     The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.

     Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community.

     For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

     Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

     Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.

     The Rector will preach his farewell message after which the choir will sing: “Break Forth Into Joy.”

     A rice-and-bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

     At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be “What Is Hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.

     The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

     Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM–prayer and medication to follow.

     The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

     This evening at 7 PM there will be hymn-singing in the park across from the Church. So bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

     Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

     Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

     The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this great tragedy.

     The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev. and Mrs. Julius Belzer.

     This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends.

     Tuesday at 4 p.m. there will be an ice cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.

     Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing “Put Me In My Little Bed” accompanied by the pastor.

     Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study.

     This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.

     The Associate Minister unveiled the church’s new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: “I Upped My Pledge–Up Yours”

     Don’t let worries kill you. Let the Church help.